it's adios, reality.

Time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters.

~Margaret Peters

Choose a few things that have happened in your life where time has shown you what really matters. In your journal, record one or two of these, paying particular attention to what it was about the event or situation that really made “what really matters” crystal clear. Also, include smaller details such as whether you had the revelation about what really matters immediately or if it was only on further contemplation.

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• Living in the moment

So long in my life have I lived in the past or the future, but never in the present. When I was in today, I was remembering yesterday, and wishing I still had it. If yesterday was horrible, I was hoping for tomorrow. When my mom died, I was too busy living in the past; remembering when I was a child, missing our apartment, everything we used to live in. The truth is, what I've missed most in my life have been horrible, horrible things. None of this really occurred to me a while ago, until it suddenly all came crashing down on me. I was so depressed for a while, because I'd moved from a place that generally made me feel like shit. I hadn't made the most of what I'd had, living with Don and my mom. The funny thing is, when I was living in my apartment, I was looking forward to the future - when I would live with my mom and Don. I believed that I could somehow change my life by missing these things. Now I realize, even though I miss living with Don and I know I should have made so much more of it, I will never make out of life what I can without just being me, here, right now. Sometimes it's hard; all I want to do is hide myself under covers and think about the past, the times I took for granted, and pretend I have them back. Or I can dream about the future, where none of this will even cross my mind and my life will be fine.

Life will never be fine, but it can be better.

i wish you'd unclench your fists.

Prompt: Swirls

I don't know exactly how she ended up there, or exactly why she was here. She angry at me, I knew that much. Mumbling about breaking her heart, but my heart must have hurt so much more than she had. If only she'd listened to me when I'd tried to explain. Grasping at her hand - as if it was the lever to put her in standby mode while I tried to explain, she just took advantage. Left in a feeble and uncomfortable position, my wrists were placed under me - crushed by my tailbone. I bit my lips, fending off the tears - however, hiding the tears wasn't exactly what should be on the top of my priority list at the moment.

(Ring around the rosie...)

I considered asking her where she'd gotten the knife, since she'd always told me of being such a pacifist before this. The blade pushing against my neck - splitting the skin, if just barely, reminded me that I should not talk right now. It wasn't like I was afraid of her, because she was taunting me about not doing anything - I just wanted to make sure she wouldn't do anything she would regret in the future. I was never worth this much.

(Pocket full of posies...)

In some sort of almost perverted sense, it sort of made me happy that I meant enough to her for her to do this. Love or hate - they were both two of the most extreme emotions. She loved me a week before this, and I think she'll hate me a week from now, regardless of what happens. Anyhow, it was still proof that someone cared enough about me to do something about me - even if it was holding a knife to my throat. In the end, I think passion is passion, and you can't hate anyone without loving them first. The more you love them, the more you'll hate them later.

(Ashes, Ashes...)

My clenched eyes shot open just in moment to see the knife right above my chest. For a moment, overwhelming pain, and then - in a swirl of emotions and feelings - some sort of ambiguous nothingness formed in it's place. I wasn't sure if I was dead, or unconscious, or just blocking out the world. I just was, more or less. (Or maybe I wasn't?)

(We all fall down....)